You think your shit don't stink!?

Pigeons.

If you have ever been to New York or seen a movie that takes place in New York, you know that there are pigeons everywhere.  When I first moved up here, I wondered how often people got shat on by pigeons.  I also wondered how long it would take before I was inevitably shat on.  Roughly nine weeks and one and a half days.

Amanda and I met up with some friends at the most awesome sports bar EVER, 200 5th.  They have a huge projector screen in the back of the place and individual TVs for each person sitting at a table.  I'm not saying there is a TV at each table...I'm saying there is a TV for each person!  And you can get them to tune in to whatever game you want!

Needless to say, this past Sunday every TV was tuned in to the Fifa Women's World Cup Final.  I was seated on a long bench seat between three people.  I get a bit claustrophobic, so I had to take a break and get out from the middle of the bench.  It was noisy inside the bar and I was trying to talk to Amanda and my buddy, Jim about his job, so we stepped outside for a minute.  I led the trio out of the front door...and blammo!

I don't know if you've ever been shat upon, but it kind of sucks.  This massive poop landed directly on my left shoulder.  That's a bit too close to my face!  I also felt something hit my neck and the back of my head.  It took me a moment to realize what had happened.  At first I thought it was condensation from an A/C unit, but then realized it was more than just a drip.  Then I thought someone threw up out of a window above the bar, but there wasn't enough for it to be vomit.  That's when I glanced up (risky!) to see the freshly relieved pigeon turn and strut away.  I looked at Jim and Amanda who were confused and stunned.

"I just got shat upon," I said, nonchalantly.

Somewhere between the laughter Amanda was able to remind me that getting shit on by a bird is supposed to be good luck.

Amanda ran inside to grab me some napkins.  I stood, frozen, outside of the bar and had Jim check my neck and hair for any poo-poo splatter.  He didn't see any, just some clear liquid like water...yes...it was liquid pigeon butt-juice.  I also noticed a bit of the dark broon on my thumb.

Amanda came back out and began wiping the mound off of my shoulder.  A lump of it landed on my arm, adding a bit of insult to injury.  I grabbed a napkin and wiped off my head and neck.

Jim mentioned that he was on the verge of getting sick.  I mentioned that it was strange how the shit never smelled.  How does shit not stink?  It makes me wonder if this is true of all birds or is it just pigeons?  Or was it just this particular pigeon...or just this particular pigeon's singular poop?

This isn't a science project I think I'm going to study any time soon, it just made me wonder.  By the way, I hit up Brooklyn Industries on the corner of the block and got a new shirt.  So it wasn't all bad!  And if getting shit on by a bird is good luck, I should be the luckiest mofo in the world with the amount of shit with which I was hit!